Many married couples face the complication of considering children in divorce mediation, and couples in same-sex civil partnerships may have children from previous relationships, or via IVF or adoption to take into account during dissolution mediation.
The exact nature of both parents’ relationships with the child – including their legal status as registered guardians or adoptive parents – can influence the outcome of family mediation.
But in any separation where children are involved, their welfare should be a priority, and mediation sessions should be planned in a way that does not expose the child to undue stress.
We understand the very difficult nature of separating with children (including adopted children and step-children) and balancing the mediation process with your parental responsibilities.
Taking childcare into account from the outset can make divorce and dissolution mediation run a lot more smoothly. Your mediator will work with you to make sure this is the case.
For example, mediation sessions can be scheduled to take place at a time when your child is at school or can be left with a relative – or even once they are in bed.
Remote mediation is a great way to facilitate this, as you don’t need to leave the house to dial into a remote divorce mediation session via telephone or webcam.
We saw the use of remote mediation rocket during the initial Coronavirus lockdown period, but as the pandemic eases, it remains an excellent option if you have significant demands on your time such as parental responsibilities.
If the child is not going to be involved in the mediation session, it is best for them to be occupied elsewhere for the duration, so that you are not interrupted or distracted.
Older children may be able to spend the time watching TV, playing video games or reading a book in their bedroom or in the living room, again with the understanding that your mediation session should not be disrupted by their activity.
Younger children could be cared for by a relative e.g. a grandparent, aunt or uncle who lives nearby, if there are no social distancing restrictions to prevent this; alternatively, it may be possible to wait until they are asleep, if there is no alternative.
At Marcia Mediation we believe that if children will be affected by the mediation process – for example if it is to decide their future residential arrangements after a divorce – then it can make good sense to involve them in the discussions.
Clearly they don’t need to be in every session, but allowing your divorce mediator to talk to your children could help to uncover any anxieties they have, and shed light on where they would prefer to live.
In many cases, children don’t feel able to say this directly to their parents, because they think it might be upsetting – so please remember that you can ask your family mediator to speak to them instead.
Even if the child doesn’t have strong thoughts about what happens next, it’s beneficial for them to feel heard and involved in the process, and to be reassured that divorce does not mean the end of family life, but can mean the start of a happier home life. Contact Marcia Mediation today to see how we can help.
If you have any questions, call us on 0161 425 3940 or fill out this form
