Christmas is a family time. It is a happy time, a time for giving; sharing food and drink; presents; good wishes; listening; reflection; peace; quiet. For many, everything stops at Christmas and the space is an invaluable time to take stock and plan ahead.
It is a time therefore for New Year’s resolution and whilst many are naturally sceptical, the successful make change happen on 2 January and throughout the Year.
You cannot give anything to someone you do not love. “For your ongoing musical education” Alan Rickman to Emma Thompson Love Actually and the grimace that accompanied the receipt of that Joni Mitchell CD on Christmas day told the whole story. Thompson expected the Necklace she had found in her husband’s coat pocket after a shopping exhibition. (Remember the hilarious gift wrapping scene with Rowan Atkinson!). What she got was pain and a heightened sense that for her everything had stopped on that Christmas day. We do not know how or whether the days between Christmas and New Year resolved the relationship but there was certainly a sense that something in the Emma Thompson character had died.
Of course this was a film, shown often over Christmas because this is a time of heightened emotions and there is a message that resonates from the exaggerated story line.
But in our experience this break will inevitably expose an unhappy marriage or relationship and for some couples January is the right time to move forward.
There is a danger that emotions will prevail. Disappointment. Frustration. Anger. Sadness.
The traditional adversarial court process will certainly heighten those emotions.
Family Mediation on the other hand offers a more dignified, positive approach. Some marriages and relationships will inevitably end over the Christmas period.
Mediation allows the parties to see this for what it is; without recrimination. Whether there are children or not, both parties can and will, with skilled intervention, organise their financial affairs so that each can move forward and enjoy a new life. Both parties will want and relish this freedom and the Family Mediator can facilitate it.
If there are Children any dispute that is brought before the Courts will always be determined in accordance with what is in their best interests. And Family Mediation is a very powerful tool to prevent court intervention, precisely because, with skilled intervention, both parties come to realise that they only want the best for their children and working together to make this happen is positive testament to a relationship which, although over, survives for the long term future for the ongoing benefit of the children. Just because a marriage has come to a natural end, doesn’t mean that you will ever stop working together for your children.
If you wish to discuss any issues arising from this blog with us please contact Marcia Mediation.
Marcia Lister
FMA Accredited Mediator: Senior Status
Accredited for MIAM
marcia@marciamediation.co.uk
0161 425 3940
If you have any questions, call us on 0161 425 3940 or fill out this form
